You and the Law | Can a Business Owner Be a Good Parent to an Only Child?

Understanding the Challenges of Raising an Only Child

Over the years, I've had the privilege of practicing law and writing a legal advice column that has addressed countless questions from couples who are also business owners. One recent inquiry stood out: “We are thinking of having only one child, but we are worried about the challenge of not spoiling an only child. Have you any recommendations?” This question reflects a growing concern among many parents, especially those in high-pressure careers.

The idea of having just one child often comes with its own set of challenges, particularly when it comes to avoiding the pitfalls of overindulgence. Some parents feel pressured by societal expectations that suggest a family should have more than one child to prevent raising an entitled child. However, this belief is not always grounded in reality.

The Origins of the Stereotype

Where did this notion come from? According to Susan Newman, PhD, a social psychologist and author of "Just One: The New Science, Secrets and Joy of Parenting an Only Child," the stereotype can be traced back to flawed research from the late 1800s. Psychologist G. Stanley Hall's work suggested that having just one child would lead to a misfit—jealous, selfish, and dependent. While these ideas have largely faded, they still influence some perceptions today.

Newman emphasizes that while there are real challenges in raising an only child, the right strategies can help navigate them successfully. Her book provides valuable insights into how to avoid common mistakes and raise a well-rounded, successful child.

Why One Child Might Be a Good Choice for Business Owners

As someone who runs a law practice with my wife, Anne, and our son as our only child, I understand the unique pressures that come with running a business and being a parent. Newman highlights that for business owners, having one healthy child can often be the best choice.

She points out that business parents are frequently torn between their professional responsibilities and their desire to meet their child’s needs. With one child, the emotional burden is less overwhelming. Newman notes that managing the demands of one child is more manageable than juggling multiple children, especially when time is limited.

Work-life balance is crucial for couples who run a business. Newman advises setting up a plan where both employees and parents can maintain a healthy balance. Encouraging staff to spend time with their families helps create a positive environment, which benefits everyone involved.

Mistakes to Avoid When Raising an Only Child

Newman's book is filled with practical advice on how to avoid common pitfalls when raising an only child. One of the most critical mistakes is overcompensating due to guilt. Parents may feel they need to give their child everything they want to make up for the time spent at work. However, this behavior can hinder the child's development.

For example, if a child asks for a new bike or the latest gadget, and the parent immediately complies, it sets a dangerous precedent. Similarly, bailing a child out of trouble every time reinforces a sense of entitlement. These behaviors can lead to long-term consequences, such as developing a self-indulgent attitude or becoming overly focused on personal desires.

Newman warns that constantly giving in to a child's demands can create a narcissistic personality, making it difficult for the child to consider others' needs. In the real world, such traits can lead to strained relationships and difficulties in both personal and professional settings.

The Importance of Chores and Responsibility

Another key point Newman emphasizes is the importance of chores in a child's development. The 85-year Harvard Study of Adult Development found that children who did age-appropriate chores during childhood were more likely to experience professional success and happiness later in life.

While it might be tempting for parents to do the chores themselves, especially when feeling guilty about work hours, it's essential to assign responsibilities. Chores teach children a sense of capability and importance within the family. This mindset can serve them well as they grow and face the challenges of adulthood.

Final Thoughts

Newman's book offers a wealth of practical, accessible advice for parents concerned about raising an only child. It addresses the unique challenges and provides strategies to overcome them. For those looking for guidance on family life, "Just One" is a valuable resource that offers insight and support.