Seventy-Eight and Thriving: My 18-Year Journey in Polyamory
While we may consider open relationships and polyamory to be something that’s often confined to younger generations, lust knows no age limit and this week, we spoke with Stella Ralfini – a 78 year old Reiki practitioner who left a monogamous lifestyle behind 18 years ago.
“By the time I reached 60 I’d had 3 long term live-in relationships.
“By the end of our time together, we were more like friends than lovers. I missed the intimacy and [wasn’t] bothered about how long a relationship would last. I then set out on a new path with no agenda and have never looked back.”
Non-monogamy has been a revelation for Ralfini
Ralfini tells HuffPost UK: “Each new lover is a fresh experience of love and intimacy that keeps me feeling desirable and young.
“The looking forward to seeing him again, the excitement of when we’ll next make love, taking off for spontaneous romantic weekends and since we’re never together long enough for intimacy to grow stale, we make love as I imagine it in my mind –which having freed myself from conditioning, gets better with each lover.”
According to Polyamory UK — the biggest platform for polyamory in the UK — people who practice polyamory might encounter criticism from their friends, family, and colleagues, along with a general absence of comprehension and approval within broader society.
However, for Ralfini, this isn’t something she is impacted by, as she says: “I’m not affected by stigma because I’m not living my life for others and don’t care what anyone thinks.”
However, within her family She discloses that it hasn't always been easy, mentioning, "At first, my daughter wasn't behind me because she believed that women of my generation shouldn't desire sexual activity."
This isn’t surprising.
In 2021, the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared that ageism ‘is a global challenge’, and assuming our elders don’t still enjoy healthy sex lives definitely falls into that.
Speaking to HuffPost UK in 2023 , Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationships expert, said: “I think we need to consider that we can do so much in our later years. Many people work, take up hobbies, and live full and fulfilling lives [as older people].”
Fortunately, Ralfini’s daughter has embraced this perspective: "Now she supports my polyamorous lifestyle because she can see how I choose to live and what brings me joy."
Interested in exploring polyamory? Release your preconceptions.
When we asked Ralfini what advice she would give to anybody hoping to embrace a poly lifestyle, she said: “Poly is the life of a rolling stone so it isn’t for anyone seeking a secured, committed relationship.
There is no sense of possession, envy, or doubt. A person must reach this stage before they can fully appreciate the benefits of [polyamory].
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