Science Reveals the Ultimate Approach to Raising Exceptional Adults

Anyone who decides to have children hopes that they will raise kids who turn into good, thoughtful, high-quality adults—but the pathway there can be long and bumpy. Plus, if you have a child who tends to be rambunctious and likes getting into trouble, it can sometimes feel like you’re screwing the whole "parenting" thing up.

Although there isn’t one correct approach to parenting, recent studies indicate that consistently showing physical warmth towards children may yield significant advantages. Naturally, cultivating exceptional individuals requires much more than simply showering them with affection and support; however, these fresh insights provide a clearer objective when it seems as though getting your kids on track might be an uphill battle.

This is what the research revealed, along with the key takeaways recommended by mental health professionals.

Meet the experts: Jasmin Wertz, PhD, the main researcher for the study and a psychology professor at the University of Edinburgh; Tamar Gur, MD, PhD a reproductive psychiatrist and researcher based at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center

What were the findings of the study?

The research paper, which appeared in the journal American Psychologist , examined information tracking 2,232 British identical twins from birth up until they reached 18 years old.

The research team examined information collected during house calls made to the homes of twin pairs' mothers. They analyzed audio recordings where these mothers discussed both of their kids individually. These recordings were subsequently evaluated based on indicators of warmth and affection expressed towards them.

When they reached 18 years old, the teenagers underwent assessments to identify their "Big Five" personality characteristics. These key aspects of human character consist of extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability.

The study found that twins who experienced greater warmth from their mothers during childhood, particularly between the ages of five and ten, tended to develop into more open, conscientious, and agreeable young adults.

The research indicates that programs aimed at enhancing positive parenting during childhood could potentially lead to widespread benefits across populations via modest yet consistent impacts on personality characteristics, as noted by the researchers in their conclusion.

"We understood from earlier studies that the manner in which parents interact with their kids—including factors like warmth and supportiveness—affects the development of their children's personality," explains the source. Jasmin Wertz, PhD, the primary researcher for the study and a psychology professor at the University of Edinburgh.

Usually, it can be hard to know if these type of results would be due to the actual parenting or because the parents passed on specific genes to their kids. This study accounted for that barrier. “By studying twins who share all of their genes and grow up in the same home, we were able to study the effects of parenting separately from the effects of genes, to see if parenting has an effect on young people’s personalities,” Wertz says.

How could nurturing maternal care result in more emotionally receptive grown-ups?

The study didn’t explore this exact question, but there are some theories. “If a parent is affectionate, this might teach children to be more understanding and emphatic themselves, thereby fostering agreeableness,” Wertz says. “Affectionate parenting may also help children regulate their emotions and behaviors, making them more persistent and conscientious.”

Being an affectionate parent can also help kids feel supported, says Tamar Gur, MD, PhD , a reproductive psychiatrist and researcher at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. “If a child falls, you want to make sure that they feel loved,” she says. “If they had a difficult day and could use a warm hug, affection is absolutely an important tool there.”

That support at home can also help kids feel more comfortable exploring the world and being open with others, Wertz says.

How would you describe nurturing parenthood?

According to Wertz, affectionate parenting essentially involves demonstrating to your child that they matter to you. "The approach may vary from one family to another," she explains.

That might mean asking your child about something that interests them, trying to empathize with them, praising good behaviors, using caring and encouraging language, being affectionate with hugs and words, and doing your best to be patient, she says.

"Showing affection doesn't imply permitting anything; establishing firm boundaries and consequences are key tactics in effective parenting," Wertz emphasizes.

Dr. Gur highlights this aspect and underscores the significance of maintaining consistency as a parent. "Children struggle the most with unpredictable displays of affection," she explains. "When your behavior fluctuates between warmth and coolness, even if unintentional, it can pose significant challenges for them."

Dr. Gur asserts that affection undoubtedly serves as a crucial instrument for parents but emphasizes that it shouldn’t be the sole resource in their toolkit.

“If someone is misbehaving or is really dysregulated and you’re meeting them with affection, that can be very confusing,” she says. “That’s not how the world works.”

By the way, Wertz says that it’s important to be kind to yourself while you’re parenting, too. “Many mothers feel stressed, and being mindful and compassionate about your own needs ensures you don’t pour from an empty cup,” she says.