I Won't Cater to My Pregnant Co-Worker's Every Demand Out of Respect Alone

I think it's important to be considerate towards coworkers, yet there's a point where excessive leniency can lead to exploitation. This became clear when one of my teammates revealed she was expecting; soon after, everyone at the office began treating her with kid gloves and providing preferential treatment. Was I out of line for noticing this shift?

Hi Bright Side and readers! I know, I know, pregnancy is hard. At first, I was genuinely happy for her. I offered to pick up lunch when she felt nauseous. I didn’t mind grabbing her reports from the printer or covering a meeting here and there. We all go through things, right? I figured it was just a temporary adjustment.But then, my pregnant teammate started forwarding her tasks to me with a note: “Would you mind helping? Baby brain today!” That phrase started popping up almost daily. I told her to stop, but she laughed, “You’ll understand when you’re pregnant.”I was stunned. I didn’t respond and left. And, little did I know, things were going to get much worse.

Pregnancy isn’t a free pass to be rude.

The following morning, I entered the workplace and came to an abrupt halt. My desk had been taken over by my pregnant colleague. With a smug look, she remarked, "Apologies, but I require some additional room here. The area near the window seems cozier for me now; plus, feeling queasy makes this change necessary." Unable to bear the situation any longer, when she went out for her midday meal, I slipped quietly towards her newly assigned workspace and placed a sticky note on her keyboard which read, "Let’s talk after your shift ends about why this needs addressing immediately." However, she did not turn up as expected. In fact, instead of meeting with me, she sent an email to our supervisor claiming that I acted passive-aggressively toward her.

Is it “Baby Brain” or just bad behavior?

I’m not heartless. But there’s a line between needing support and manipulating people. And she crossed it over and over again. I want to be kind, but I’m not a doormat. It’s not just about one desk or one task. It’s about boundaries in the workplace. It’s about being professional.Later that week, HR called me, and my pregnant coworker was there too. I expected a calm discussion. But my jaw dropped when the HR said that my “tone” had been rude and noted. That my sticky note made a colleague “feel unsafe and upset.” That I should be more understanding, especially “during such a sensitive time in a woman’s life.” I sat there, speechless.

After returning to my desk (which was supposed to be temporary), I realized things were far more concerning than merely changing workstations; nobody would speak to me anymore. The colleagues who once shared meals with me began sidestepping conversations altogether. One of them whispered discreetly, "You really should not have annoyed her. You know she’s expecting." Suddenly, I became the villain in this situation. Now, they’re making me apologize to my expectant coworker. Could I possibly be at fault here?

Thank you immensely for sharing your experience with us. To begin, understand this clearly: setting personal limits does not define you as a bad person. Being unable to balance compassion and justice fairly shouldn’t label you as cruel or malevolent either. Consider these steps moving forward: Reach Out to HR Once More—with Composed, Objective Words: There's nothing wrong with revisiting Human Resources; present your concerns politely yet firmly. Inform them about feeling marginalized after the event occurred. Request specific guidelines regarding expectations placed upon you to avoid unintentionally overstepping bounds. Avoid Seeking Resolution Directly from Colleagues: The estrangement from former friends can be deeply painful. However, recognize that their reluctance likely stems from an aversion towards conflict rather than deeming you unworthy. Often individuals align themselves with those perceived as vulnerable without fully grasping all aspects involved. Allow time for reconciliation naturally. Meanwhile, maintain composure, consistency, and amiability despite potential inclinations toward isolation. This resilience speaks volumes. Celebrate Yourself for Voicing Concerns: Asserting oneself may sometimes provoke mixed reactions or appear ungraceful, nonetheless, such actions remain courageous. Many choose quiet endurance leading to internal distress. By drawing clear lines, regardless of individual sacrifice, you exhibit humanity—not misconduct. Approach Reestablishment of Professional Relations with Expectant Co-worker Peacefully: Despite unease, thoughtfully connect with your expectant colleague through direct communication devoid of apology unless genuinely warranted. Aim merely to clarify misunderstandings. Perhaps suggest, "Let's strive to interact professionally. Both our lives hold significant changes currently. Shall we commit to transparent dialogue whenever issues arise?"

In our earlier correspondence, a man shared with us how his world was completely altered after he started working at his spouse’s company. You can read about it here: I Took a Job at My Wife’s Firm—And Uncovered a Disturbing Truth.